933 - Judith Madan to Martin Madan, 1725
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1725
My Dearest Life! after a very restless
night, I am got Down to yr Beurow – the History of
England serves me for a Desk, & I use a Pen of my own
making, wch last will I hope be a sufficient Excuse for all
ye faults I may possibly commit before I have Done.
I will not, nay indeed cannot complain, of ye Little sleep
I have been able to get these two last night; since it has
been made up to me, by allowing me ye Liberty of Reflection
How yt Liberty has been Employ’d, Let your own heart, or at
Least yt Part of it that belongs to me Inform yo Dear
Dearest Creature! Thou constant Delight, & only Wish of
my Soul! wth: how great a Degree of Gratitude &
Pleasure do I call to mind ye numberless Instances you
have Given me, of a Regard, & Tenderness, I would Die a
thousand Deaths to Preserve! My whole happiness depends
on you, your Life, Health & continuing to love me, are
ye Strongest Desires of my Soul – I hope – never to out live
ye Enjoyment of these Invaluable Blessings, & Perswade
My self, I was not born to be miserable Enough to know
ye Want of Either.
My Dear Creature, I Continue very well, and
[f.79v]
fear I shall not yet have ye happiness to send ye news
I am sure you are so good to wish – However I hope
a Happy End of this tedious painfull Expectation & yt
I shall be fully made am
By Returning Once more wth you, to Hertingford{^bury yt favourite part
of the World where wth you, Hours in my account have
Pass’d for moments, & Life it self been measur’d, not by
Time but Happiness. Tis impossible for me to Express ye
Regrett wth which I gave ye up to Quarters – have yo any
notion of the Pain of Parting wth all yt is Dear, valuable, &
Delightfull? if you have, ye may in some measure Guess at
wt I felt when only my soul & its fondest wishes had
power to follow you. My Dear, Dear Madan, I Love
& Doat on you wth the greatest Degree of tenderness &
Passion, you were born for me alone – a thousand may
like, & admire yo. But I only am made to Love you, as yo
were Design’d by nature to be lov’d – you answer my every
Wish – if yo were taller, or shorter, Gayer or Graver, I am
sure I could not Love you so well, no Encrease of fortune,
& wt is more with most women, no addition of Titles could
advance my affection, & value for you, nor can any
misfortune, not time it self Render yo less Dear, less
Tenderly Belov’d – my own Soul! Why must I always trouble
you wth this Heap of needless assurances? I ought rather to be
sure Every motion of a Heart so much yr own as mine is
perfectly well known to you – But I take a pleasure in
repeating wt I am {^wth Reason} proud to Discover in my Self. Bear wth me
[change of orientation]
My Dearest Best Freind, & Bless wth Speedy mark of yr Remembrance yy Entirely aff: & faithfull
J Madan
My Sister Cowper was yesterday morn: Brought to Bed of a Boy
my mother sends her love to you
[f.80]
For
Cap:t Madan of the Kings Own
Regmt of Horse at Witham
near Chemsford In
Essex
1725
My Dearest Life! after a very restless
night, I am got Down to yr Bureau – the History of
England serves me for a Desk, & I use a Pen of my own
making, wch last will I hope be a sufficient Excuse for all
ye faults I may possibly commit before I have Done.
I will not, nay indeed cannot complain, of ye Little sleep
I have been able to get these two last night; since it has
been made up to me, by allowing me ye Liberty of Reflection
How yt Liberty has been Employed, Let your own heart, or at
Least yt Part of it that belongs to me Inform yo Dear
Dearest Creature! Thou constant Delight, & only Wish of
my Soul! wth: how great a Degree of Gratitude &
Pleasure do I call to mind ye numberless Instances you
have Given me, of a Regard, & Tenderness, I would Die a
thousand Deaths to Preserve! My whole happiness depends
on you, your Life, Health & continuing to love me, are
ye Strongest Desires of my Soul – I hope – never to out live
ye Enjoyment of these Invaluable Blessings, & Persuade
My self, I was not born to be miserable Enough to know
ye Want of Either.
My Dear Creature, I Continue very well, and
[f.79v]
fear I shall not yet have ye happiness to send ye news
I am sure you are so good to wish – However I hope
a Happy End of this tedious painful Expectation & yt
I shall be fully made am
By Returning Once more wth you, to Hertingford{^bury yt favourite part
of the World where wth you, Hours in my account have
Passed for moments, & Life it self been measured, not by
Time but Happiness. Tis impossible for me to Express ye
Regret wth which I gave ye up to Quarters – have yo any
notion of the Pain of Parting wth all yt is Dear, valuable, &
Delightful? if you have, ye may in some measure Guess at
wt I felt when only my soul & its fondest wishes had
power to follow you. My Dear, Dear Madan, I Love
& Dote on you wth the greatest Degree of tenderness &
Passion, you were born for me alone – a thousand may
like, & admire yo. But I only am made to Love you, as yo
were Designed by nature to be loved – you answer my every
Wish – if yo were taller, or shorter, Gayer or Graver, I am
sure I could not Love you so well, no Increase of fortune,
& wt is more with most women, no addition of Titles could
advance my affection, & value for you, nor can any
misfortune, not time it self Render yo less Dear, less
Tenderly Beloved – my own Soul! Why must I always trouble
you wth this Heap of needless assurances? I ought rather to be
sure Every motion of a Heart so much yr own as mine is
perfectly well known to you – But I take a pleasure in
repeating wt I am {^wth Reason} proud to Discover in my Self. Bear wth me
[change of orientation]
My Dearest Best Friend, & Bless wth Speedy mark of yr Remembrance yy Entirely affectionate: & faithful
J Madan
My Sister Cowper was yesterday morn: Brought to Bed of a Boy
my mother sends her love to you
[f.80]
For
Cap:t Madan of the Kings Own
Regmt of Horse at Witham
near Chelmsford In
Essex
Judith Madan to Martin Madan, 1725
Judith has sat down to write after a night of very little sleep. She does not mind her insomnia, as it has permitted her time to reflect and to think about him – the part of his heart that belongs to her will already have sensed this. His continual health and happiness is the only wish of her soul. He thinks that there is nothing about him that could change to make her love him more – she would not want him to be taller of shorter or change disposition. In a note at the end of the letters she notes that her sister Cowper has recently given birth.
Madan Family
Eng Letter C.284 f.79
Bodleian Library, University of Oxford
1725
[England]
Chelmsford, Essex [England]
primary author
heart
- sleeping
- talking
- thinking
- travel
- visiting
- writing
separation
- grateful
- happy
- hopeful
- love (romantic)
- low
- pleasure
- regret
- personal blessings
- soul
pain
marriage
primary addressee
heart
- aesthetics
- build
- status
health
- happy
- love (romantic)
disposition
marriage
Judith Madan to Martin Madan, 1725, 1725: Bodleian Library, University of Oxford, Madan Family, Eng Letter C.284 f.79