Houghton Feb y^e 27^th 1675.

Deare Sir./
I heartily thank you for your great kindness in desiring to deale
impershally with me about y^e concerns of my precious & imortall soul
& does Earnestly beg your prayres y^t God would grant unto me the
assistance of his holy spirit in making a diligent search into my
own heart & taking a serious review upon {^^of} my by past life, y^t I
may not deceive my self in a matter of such high importance; truly
could I find what might be the particular cause of this affliction
I hope I should freely discover it, & look upon {^^it} as a very great mercy
y^t God should put it into y^e heart of any of his faithfull servants
to require it of me, for above forty weeks I have look^ed upon my self
as continually walking upon y^e brink of eternity, not knowing how soon
I might be summoned {^^{by death}} to apeare before y^e righteous Judg of all y^e earth
believing y^t it is not whome man but whome the Lord aproveth y^t shall
find comfort in y^t day. Therefore if hitherto I have been deceived, would
faine be undeceived & pass thorow y^e pangs of a new birth whatsoever
it cost me, without which it is impossible to enter in y^e kingdom of God,
in the injoyment of whom our eternal happyness doth consist: indeed I am
very sensible y^t I am a great siner, & from my self hath noe argument
to use to prevaile for mercy but y^t in y^e 19 psal: ver: y^e 12. Lord pardon
my iniquities for they are grea, but herein lyes my comforts y^t Christ
who was y^e Lamb slaine from y^e foundation of y^e world he came not to call
y^e righteous but siners unto repentance & is pleas’d graciously to invite
in Math: y^e 11^th ver: ye 28 all y^t are weary & heavy layden to come unto him
promising y^t he will give them rest, I hope I may truly say my sins are
the burden & greife of my soul & would not willingly allow my self in the
practice of any known sin, but bless God for ye sharpest rod y^t might
prevent any iniquity (thought never soe secreet) from having dominion
over me; indeed I have great cause to lament before the Lord y^e deadness
barreness, & hardness of my heart; & should account my condistion altogether

[f.4.2]

[ho]peless if there wa[s] not such a good word upon holy record as y^t
in Ezek: Chapt: 36 ver: y^e 26. where God saith y^t he will take away y^e heart
of stone, & give a heart of flesh, not for our sakes but for his own name
sake, only he expects to be inquired of, promising to fullfill y^e desires
of those y^t feare him, in this thing wch is agreeable unto his will
therefore good sir my great request to you is to entreat the Lord on
my behalf, y^t this gift of a broken & contrite heart in w^ch God & Christ
hath promised to dwell, may not be denyed to me, who doth most earnestly
desire after it I hope my contience will witness with me (&therefore
would acknowledg it, & give glory to God) y^t it hath been my desire to
feare the Lord from my youth, accounting his ways y^e only ways of plea-
sentness, & y^e comunion of the saints y^t wherein I greatly delighted
wishing oh y^t my wayes was directed to keep all Gods testimonyes, in y^e
keeping of which, there is great reward, his service being perfect freedom:
truly I have had very great reason to acknowledg Gods great goodness to
me in the course of his providence many & many a time, & not the least
at this time in which his hand hath been soe long upon me in a strange
& unusuall distemper. It seems to be in a great measure hid from y^e skill
of the Physitian, but it is the Lords doing who easily knows how to remove
it, if he see good, & if not his will be done; I would faine have some
glory to rebound unto God by this dispensation for though he hath seemed
to afflict, yet blessed be his name hath never forsaken, but dealt very gra-
ciously with me, & from y^e very first day untill now, it hath been the
most comfortable time y^t ever I had in all my life, & wch I would not
have been without for all the world, I have even continually had occasion
to say oh how good the Lord is, certainly if it shall be his pleasure to
restore me againe to health he will expect y^t the large experience I
have had of his goodness at this time, should be to recall to my minde
as long as I live & be a strong incorridgment to trust in him w^t ever
tryalls may for y^e future befall me for as much as he is faithfull who
hath promised y^t his grace shall be sufficient & y^t he will never never
leave, never never never forsake but keep by his almighty power through

[f.4.3]

faith unto salvation, oh y^t I could give glory to God by believe & relying wholy upon
him both in y^e enjoyment & deprivement of all outward comfort which are of a perishing
nature & may soon vanish away, either they from us, or we from them, but y^e name of
the Lord is a strong tower unto which y^e righteous may continually resort & find rest
to their souls, for he {^^{changeth not but}} remaines the same yesterday & to day for ever, therefore
faith y^e psalmist be of good couraige & he shall strengthen your heart all y^e y^t hope
in the Lord oh y^t I might experience y^t assistance of divine grace whereby I may
be inabled ever to hold fast y^e profession of ye faith without wavering, even y^t
faith by which Christ dwells on the heart [….] by a love towards him stronger
than death, y^t noe water of affliction can quench, nor floods of persecution drown, but
inflame, & may soe sanctify the Lord God in my heart as to be ready allway to give
an Answer to anyone y^t asketh a reason of the hope y^t is in me with meekness & fear
exercising my self unto godlyness & dayly pressing forward towards y^e mark for
the prize of the high calling of God in Jesus Christ, if by any meanse I may at
-taine unto ye resurrection of y^e dead & even enjoy him whome my soul loveth &
now is {^ardently} breathing after, as the panting hart after y^e water brooks saying make
hast my beloved & be thou like unto a roe or a young hart, ever soe come Lord Jesus
come quickly. E. [illeg]

it is my great desire to be thoroughly sifted & try’d by such marks as are infallible
evidences of y^e truth of grace wch will even peirce between y^e vert joynts & the marrow
discovering whether y^e root of y^e matter be in me or noe, & oh w^t need have to cry
mightily unto God, most earnestly beging it of you alsoe y^t he would be pleas’d to deliver
me from y<sup>e,/sup> great treachery & deceitfullness of my own heart wch is ye enemy I have
most cause to feare & keep a constant jealousye over, none without it beeing able
to doe me any harme but this is {^like} son of {?servial} which often proves too hard for me

[f.6.v]

I would not for all ye world nor ten thousand worlds take up in a seeming precious
profession, short of the real profession of Christ {^as far as I know} it is God & God alone yt is my ex-
ceding joy, & my hope not in life but in death.</sup>

Houghton Feb y^e 27^th 1675.

Dear Sir./
I heartily thank you for your great kindness in desiring to deal
impartially with me about y^e concerns of my precious & immortal soul
& does Earnestly beg your prayers y^t God would grant unto me the
assistance of his holy spirit in making a diligent search into my
own heart & taking a serious review upon {^^of} my by past life, y^t I
may not deceive my self in a matter of such high importance; truly
could I find what might be the particular cause of this affliction
I hope I should freely discover it, & look upon {^^it} as a very great mercy
y^t God should put it into y^e heart of any of his faithful servants
to require it of me, for above forty weeks I have look^ed upon my self
as continually walking upon y^e brink of eternity, not knowing how soon
I might be summoned {^^{by death}} to appear before y^e righteous Judge of all y^e earth
believing y^t it is not whom man but whom the Lord aproveth y^t shall
find comfort in y^t day. Therefore if hitherto I have been deceived, would
feign be undeceived & pass through y^e pangs of a new birth whatsoever
it cost me, without which it is impossible to enter in y^e kingdom of God,
in the enjoyment of whom our eternal happiness doth consist: indeed I am
very sensible y^t I am a great sinner, & from my self hath no argument
to use to prevail for mercy but y^t in y^e 19 psal: ver: y^e 12. Lord pardon
my iniquities for they are great, but herein lies my comforts y^t Christ
who was y^e Lamb slain from y^e foundation of y^e world he came not to call
y^e righteous but sinners unto repentance & is pleased graciously to invite
in Math: y^e 11^th ver: ye 28 all y^t are weary & heavy laden to come unto him
promising y^t he will give them rest, I hope I may truly say my sins are
the burden & grief of my soul & would not willingly allow my self in the
practice of any known sin, but bless God for ye sharpest rod y^t might
prevent any iniquity (thought never so secret) from having dominion
over me; indeed I have great cause to lament before the Lord y^e deadness
barrenness, & hardness of my heart; & should account my condition altogether

[f.4.2]

[ho]peless if there wa[s] not such a good word upon holy record as y^t
in Ezek: Chapt: 36 ver: y^e 26. where God saith y^t he will take away y^e heart
of stone, & give a heart of flesh, not for our sakes but for his own name
sake, only he expects to be inquired of, promising to fulfil y^e desires
of those y^t fear him, in this thing which is agreeable unto his will
therefore good sir my great request to you is to entreat the Lord on
my behalf, y^t this gift of a broken & contrite heart in w^ch God & Christ
hath promised to dwell, may not be denied to me, who doth most earnestly
desire after it I hope my conscience will witness with me (&therefore
would acknowledge it, & give glory to God) y^t it hath been my desire to
fear the Lord from my youth, accounting his ways y^e only ways of plea-
sentness, & y^e communion of the saints y^t wherein I greatly delighted
wishing oh y<sup>t,/sup> my ways was directed to keep all Gods testimonies, in ye
keeping of which, there is great reward, his service being perfect freedom:
truly I have had very great reason to acknowledge Gods great goodness to
me in the course of his providence many & many a time, & not the least
at this time in which his hand hath been so long upon me in a strange
& unusual distemper. It seems to be in a great measure hid from ye skill
of the Physician, but it is the Lords doing who easily knows how to remove
it, if he see good, & if not his will be done; I would feign have some
glory to rebound unto God by this dispensation for though he hath seemed
to afflict, yet blessed be his name hath never forsaken, but dealt very gra-
ciously with me, & from ye very first day until now, it hath been the
most comfortable time yt ever I had in all my life, & which I would not
have been without for all the world, I have even continually had occasion
to say oh how good the Lord is, certainly if it shall be his pleasure to
restore me again to health he will expect yt the large experience I
have had of his goodness at this time, should be to recall to my mind
as long as I live & be a strong encouragement to trust in him wt ever
trials may for ye future befall me for as much as he is faithful who
hath promised yt his grace shall be sufficient & yt he will never never
leave, never never never forsake but keep by his almighty power through

[f.4.3]

faith unto salvation, oh yt I could give glory to God by believe & relying wholly upon
him both in ye enjoyment & deprivement of all outward comfort which are of a perishing
nature & may soon vanish away, either they from us, or we from them, but ye name of
the Lord is a strong tower unto which ye righteous may continually resort & find rest
to their souls, for he {^changeth not but} remains the same yesterday & to day for ever, therefore
faith ye psalmist be of good courage & he shall strengthen your heart all ye yt hope
in the Lord oh yt I might experience yt assistance of divine grace whereby I may
be enabled ever to hold fast ye profession of ye faith without wavering, even yt
faith by which Christ dwells on the heart [illeg] by a love towards him stronger
than death, yt no water of affliction can quench, nor floods of persecution drown, but
inflame, & may so sanctify the Lord God in my heart as to be ready always to give
an Answer to anyone yt asketh a reason of the hope yt is in me with meekness & fear
exercising my self unto godliness & daily pressing forward towards ye mark for
the prize of the high calling of God in Jesus Christ, if by any means I may at
-taine unto ye resurrection of ye dead & even enjoy him whom my soul loveth &
now is {^ardently} breathing after, as the panting hart after ye water brooks saying make
hast my beloved & be thou like unto a roe or a young hart, ever so come Lord Jesus
come quickly. E. [illeg]

it is my great desire to be thoroughly sifted & tried by such marks as are infallible
evidences of ye truth of grace which will even pierce between ye vert joints & the marrow
discovering whether ye root of ye matter be in me or no, & oh wt need have to cry
mightily unto God, most earnestly begging it of you also yt he would be pleased to deliver
me from ye,/sup> great treachery & deceitfulness of my own heart wch is ye enemy I have
most cause to fear & keep a constant jealousy over, none without it being able
to do me any harm but this is {^like} son of {?servial} which often proves too hard for me

[f.6.v]

I would not for all ye world nor ten thousand worlds take up in a seeming precious
profession, short of the real profession of Christ {^as far as I know} it is God & God alone yt is my ex-
ceding joy, & my hope not in life but in death.</sup>